Я собираюсь поступать за границей. Написала для приема небольшое эссе. Это маленькие отрывки из моего "сочинения".
Придумывала сама, но пока не очень хорошо. Очень волнуюсь из-за грамматики, все-таки в университет..

Пожалуйста, проверьте грамматику. У меня нет знакомых, которые могли бы мне помочь, поэтому я обращаюсь к вам.

+ еще! очень часто предложения начинаются с "я", можно ли как-нибудь изменить? если есть варианты - пишите!
заранее спасибо! надеюсь у меня получится поступить (скоро подаю документы) :D

We live in the world full of terror, wars, economic problems and nature issues. Moreover, there are many people who suffer from pollution, illness, poverty. The United Nations Organization plays an essential role nowadays in our lives and brings benefits to society. We also know that Mr. Ban Ki Moon is a Secretary-General in UN and before becoming this position, Mr. Ban Ki Moon was a career diplomat in South Korea's Ministry of Foreign Affairs. He became a good example for me. Diplomacy has many directions it has many problems to solve and many questions to answer, that is to say diplomacy is wide-ranging science. All diplomats should know social culture, politics and economics, philosophy, geography, history and psychology etc. We should also take into consideration knowledge and experience of other people. It is very important to think logically and think about next step, the most important things are: ability, personality and knowledge. It is important to be creative, positive, accommodative and passionate. For better improvement of our international skills and experience, global ability and competence we should take into access leader skills; I understand it and I will aspire to develop all these ones. I believe that better future is in our hands.
1. Why the Department of International Relations?
Most of sciences are examined now, but social science will be always changing. It is interesting to me to learn about international politics, economics, international relations and law. It has many advantages over other sciences (of course all sciences are important). How the world will develop next decades or what should we do to prevent crisis and how can we support people who suffer from diseases? We can find all answers in diplomatic sphere. It is a world science; the main objects are all people. That is why I want to learn this wide-ranging science.
2. My interests in International Relations. Future perspectives.
I have an interest to different international organizations as UNHCR, UNESCO etc. I want to examine race, religion, politic conflicts, I want to protect human rights and help to refugees. I also want to take into consideration North Korea, because Korea has many hardships in relations with. Religion, race problems has appeared many conflicts in the past and now, nowadays we have serious problems with the climate. There are also many problems of Korean nation in other countries. There are many ethnic Korean in Russia, China, Japan, America etc. I want to further development of Korean culture, language, traditions abroad the country. So, these are my goals to examine.
Now I know two cultures Russian and Korean or like European and Asian. I want to help solving many cultural conflicts and collaborate with two countries. In the future I want to work with other countries in order to succeed Korea and maintain Korea in good stable international relations. It will be good to collaborate with ODA for further development of Korea. Korea is the country with high economic, but at the same time there are not many people working in international organizations. I think that there must be more Korean people learning politics and I hope that I will contribute to this.
Sure, it is not easy to learn international relations. In this case, we should learn not only theory, but we also must develop communicative skills to work together in organizations. We should improve our language (speech), knowledge and our character. I think that all these skills we can develop with strong desire by ourselves and with the help of Seoul National University and our parents.

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